Too Young for the Movies

So JD and I were approached by a man in the street asking if we had ever considered putting our baby in the movies... Just kidding. This blog entry isn't about being too young to act in movies.

Yesterday, my mom and sister decided that it would be fun to do a girls' movie trip to see Enchanted, the movie where the animated princess gets put into real life New York City to survive. I thought it would be fun to go with my nieces and mom and sister to see this movie together. Unfortunately, Jon already had plans that did not include JD.

So I decided to bring JD with me. It was about nap time and I thought that it would work out great - he would fall asleep in the car and I would be home free.

Jon dropped me off at the movie theatre and it was raining. I pulled the infant carrier out of the car and turned around. I slipped and hit a concrete post that was coming out of the ground right by the car. Down I went on the wet pavement, using my body as a soft landing spot for the infant carrier. Two gentlemen were kind enough to give me a hand (Jon was completely oblivious to the entire episode since he was on the drivers' side). I had a bruised backside, sore back and aching arm where I was still clutching the infant seat, but my ego took the bigger beating! My shoe heel also managed to come off. Jon came over at this point after seeing two strangers running over to the car to help me. And the best part of the whole embarrassing episode is that JD was just fine. He didn't even cry or look disturbed in the least. Apparently even after 2 months of Baby Boot Camp, my body is still as soft as a pillow. But the downside is that JD was definitely awake.

So I drag myself and my 20-something pound infant (plus whatever the carrier weighs) into the theatre to meet the girls. Everyone is ready to go in, but I told them quickly about my ordeal. Everyone felt bad for me and checked JD out (who of course is wide eyed and bushy tailed now).

We go in the theatre and get seated. JD is chilling out in his seat pretty good until the previews start. He starts squirming and fussing a bit. So I got him out of the seat and sat him on my lap. He started to get pretty sleepy, but didn't want to give it up for a nap (way too much action going on around him to close his eyes).

So we went in and out of the theatre about 5 times trying to go to sleep when the movie started. I finally gave up and just pacified him with his bottle and let him play in my lap. Then it happened. I started to smell THE SMELL. All mothers know this smell. Their noses are trained for it. I was in denial, thinking, "It can wait. I'm sure it isn't that bad." But finally I decided we needed to go investigate his pants and see what the damage was.

The movie theatre does not provide any changing stations for infants. Apparently, as movie patrons, we are not supposed to bring any diaper-wearing humans to the theatre. So I had to lay out his changing pad on the nasty family bathroom floor and perform the procedure. And JD is of the age where you put him down on his back on any flat surface and he immediately wants to flip over and crawl around. He and I are wrestling and I notice that he has had a blowout in the right quadrant (diaper poo leakage below the back of his right thigh). Great. Now an already complex diaper change has turned into a full-on clothing change too.

I sit him up and he is just squirming around in his poo on the changing mat. I am about to start crying because I am just so overwhelmed with the situation. But instead I start to laugh until I am crying with laughter, bordering on hysteria. JD starts laughing with me too, him on his poo-mat and me squatting above him, trying not to touch my already dirty backside on the nasty bathroom floor.

After stripping him, wiping him down, wiping the changing mat down, soaping and rinsing off his pacifier and several toys off (which he managed to pitch on the nasty bathroom floor), getting him dressed back in overalls (the MOST complicated piece of apparel to put on when you don't want to touch the floor or the dirty mat with your child) and putting everything back in the diaper bag, one-handed (since I had to hold JD off the floor with the other hand), we finally made it back in the movie to catch the closing credits. Best $7 ever spent on an afternoon entertainment experience.

But wait, there's more! Since Jon dropped me off, I rode back with my mom, my sister and her two kids. The three kiddos were outfitted in their car seats in the back seat, so I rode in the trunk of her Exterra. And my sister managed to accidentally elbow me in the nose in the process. I start laughing again (the hysterical kind) and the girls start to laugh and JD is laughing. They drop me off at home in one piece (yes, we avoided getting rear-ended with me in the trunk). I get JD down for a nap IMMEDIATELY and hit the chocolate trifle that I had made for Thanksgiving on Saturday. Chocolate can cure almost any bad day.

It is safe to say that it will be a LONG time before JD and I venture to the movie theatre again. I don't think either of us are emotionally prepared to go through that ordeal again anytime soon!